The Lighter Side

A termite walks into a bar, and calls out:

“Hey, where is the bar tender?”

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A woodworker had a neighbour that always borrowed his tools and never returned them. Frustrated with this, he phoned him.

“Could I put my tablesaw in your garage?” he inquired.

“Sure,” his neighbor replied, ” But why?”
He retorted, “Because just once, I’d like to have all my tools in one place.”

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Bob had a lot of work ahead of him so decided to hire a part time helper.

” Your first job will be to sweep up the sawdust.” he said handing him a broom.

” Look I’m practically a university graduate,” the young man protested.

” No problem, I’ll show you how” Bob replied.

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A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack, the first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.

“Just give me a chance,” the little guy pleaded.

” Okay,” the manager replied, ” Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there,”

Two minutes later he was back at the managers office, ” Tree’s cut, do I get the job?”

” I don’t believe it, that is so much faster than even my best lumberjack could have done it, where did you learn to use an axe like that ?” the manager inquired.

” Sahara Forest,” the little guy replied.
” Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert,” the manager corrected him.

” Sure that’s what they call it now.”

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A young boy around seven years old got separated from his father at a large woodworking show, remembering what his parents had told him to do in such a situation he approached a security guard and reported that he had lost his dad.

“What’s he like?” the security guard inquired. “Mum says beer and women” the boy replied.

 

(old joke, because wood shows are not that big any more 😦 )

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Tom and Bob are framing a house, Bob notices Tom throwing away about every second nail,

” What are you doing?” he asks.
” The heads are on the wrong end,” Tom replies.
” You idiot, save them for the other side,” Bob retorts.

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220V vs 110V

I think its time for me to explain about 220 current and why it is so different from 110 volt service. First of all, it’s twice as big.

Secondly, it’ll shock you more. Outside of that, 220 is really two 110 volt lines coming to your house from different parts of the globe.

The up and down 110 comes from the Northern Hemisphere, and the down and up version comes from below the equator.

Without trying to get technical, it all boils down to the direction water flows when it goes down the drain. In the top of the earth, it goes clockwise, while on the bottom of the earth it goes counter clockwise. Since most electricity is made from hydro dams, the clockwise flow gives you an up and down sine wave, while the counterclockwise version gives you a down and up sine wave. Between the two, you have 220 volts, while either individual side only gives you 110 volts.

This is particularly important to know when buying power tools- which side of the globe did they come from? If you get an Australian saw, for instance, it will turn backwards if connected to a US generated 110 volt source. Sure, you can buy backward blades for it, but that is an unnecessary burden. Other appliances, like toasters cannot be converted from Australian electricity to American electricity, without horrible results. I knew one person who bought an Australian toaster by mistake and it froze the slices of bread she put in it.

If you wire your shop with 220 and accidentally get two US-generated 110 volt lines run in by accident, you can get 220 by using a trick I learned from an old electrician. Just put each source into its own fuse box and then turn one of the boxes upside down. That’ll invert one of the two up and down sine waves to down and up, giving you 220. DO NOT just turn the box sideways, since that’ll give you 165 volts and you’ll be limited to just using Canadian tools with it.

 

(Shamelessly poached from a source long forgotten)