Definitions

I received an email from Woodpeckers (their email newsletter) recently with a few tool definitions listed, and then (sadly) an apology email from them because they apparently offended some people. So the 4 they sent are listed here, along with a bunch more that I could find. If you have any others, please drop them into the comments!

Notice that Marc (The Wood Whisperer) had the same reaction as I did, more to the apology than anything. I also notice it was initially discussed on Sawmill Creek, but their administrators have since deleted all responses.

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DRILL PRESS
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh, ****!”

SKILL SAW
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIER
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blisters

HAMMER
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit, or fingers if nothing else is on offer

MECHANIC’S KNIFE
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age

HACKSAW
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence it’s course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH
Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of, or the car’s electrics (eh Dad!)

TWEEZERS
A tool for removing wood splinters.

BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone and rounds them off.

The Wood Whisperer turns 3

Congratulations to Marc and Nicole as their podcast “The Wood Whisperer” turns 3.

(And the mention as well)  It is a fascinating journey we are on!

An Ode to Norm

When it come to woodworking, it is plain to see
The flannelet shirt’s a must have accessory

The woodworker’s beard can come short or long
So long as you have a toolbelt, tough and strong

A silhouetted sign is not necessary, it’s true
But a nailgun is a given, perhaps even two

Norm’s calling it a day, but don’t shed a tear
They’ll be showing reruns for many a year

Norm and the New Yankee Workshop

Norm and the New Yankee Workshop

After 21 years, the New Yankee Workshop is closing its doors for good.  The New Yankee Workshop website will remain up and available as a resource. Cheers Norm, and thanks for all the inspirations!  One day I’ll finish my router table (sigh).

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